A Bit of Biking

Do you have a person in your life who bikes??

I do.

My hubby, Ron, loves biking. He mostly road bikes, but has been known to do a bit of mountain biking.

Ya’ll…..these bicycle folks are a whole other species of human! They got their own clothes, bright colored for visibility and tight fitting for “aerodynamics”. (Ron says the aerodynamics part is important). They have computer gadgets and fancy footwear. And bikes! One for every occasion….roads, gravel, trails, snow. Ain’t none of this stuff cheap, either.

When it comes to all of this, I can’t say much. I’m addicted to books. Got ‘em oozing out my ears. So as obsessions go, I keep my mouth shut, but wow is it hard sometimes.

Near as I can tell, a person needs a minimum of three something-something o’ meters before one can even claim to have been on a bike, let alone ridden it anywhere. Ron talks about his heartbeat o’ meter and power meter and he was waving something in my face the other day that registered his pedaling cadence. He was mightily pleased with it, babbling about how many times his feet made a circle. I gave him a look which I normally reserve for moments when I find children licking their shoes….you know the one…patiently smiling but silently thinking “ooooo, you’re a weird one”.

Oh, we can’t forget watts. There is a lot of talk about watts. How many watts for this? How many watts for that? I think there is a joke in there somewhere about how many bikers it takes to power a light bulb, but I’m afraid to make it, ‘cause I am pretty sure Ron would take it seriously and do the math.

There are all kinds of apps and websites for recording rides, too. And, you can see where other people are riding and how fast they went. Ron comes back from rides to inform me his app deemed him a “local legend” on some random stretch of road. Or king of the hill. (I’m waiting for his knighthood.) We laugh so much over it, his son got him a shirt proclaiming him to be the Local Legend.

Also, being with a rider, I’ve learned handlebar tape is a tricky thing. You gotta get that stuff wrapped just right. And everyone has an opinion on what color should be used. It’s serious stuff! Do you match the bike or do you want contrast? (Same with all the clothing and accessories, by the way.)

As a non-biker (well, I ride casually), one of the most interesting tidbits of information I’ve picked up is that the shorts are padded. If you’ve ever ridden a bike for over a few hours (or minutes), you can appreciate how much padding would help. I go up and down the driveway a few times and I’m complaining about the butt pain. Sometimes it feels like my butt is making direct contact with the gravel. Not fun! So, the butt pads fascinate me in a “that’s super smart” kind of way.

The clothes themselves are…strange. They are made out of a material which doesn’t like to be put in a dryer. The universe disintegrates or something if you put these clothes in a dryer. Well, maybe it isn’t that bad. But…if you accidentally put them in a dryer, your biker will give you sad puppy dog eyes whilst telling you it’s ok. You will be very aware that, in fact, it is not ok. (This may have something to do with the fact that purchasing one or two items of bike clothing necessitates loan approval from your nearest bank.)

Another issue about being with a biker…you will be overrun by tires. Tires. Tires everywhere! They find the dark corners of garages and basements and they breed like rabbits. For additional fun, the bikers are forever pumping the ones on their bikes!

And for frick’s sake, Ron wants to bake some shoes! ((Even just typing that out, I heaved a great sigh.)) He bought new biking shoes, and for some reason, he needs to pop them into the oven to get them to fit right.

((Sidenote: Did you know bikers’ shoes are clipped onto their pedals? I didn’t know that until I met Ron. If they tip sideways, they are going all the way over unless they can un-clip fast enough.))

Finally, the weirdest part of being with a biker….

I’m gonna whisper it to you….you ready………………………………………..

They aren’t wearin’ any underwear.

Apparently, it chafes.

I’m just gonna leave that there.

Ok. Now all this being said…..I envy serious bike riders.

Let me explain.

Ron is a step-dad to my sons, so they didn’t grow up in the biking culture. The two oldest still talk about the day they saw Ron rounding a curve in the road towards home and how fast he was going. It’s an impressive sport. I encourage you to go to a bike race sometime and feel the rush when an entire clump of riders swooshes past you. You cannot deny the athleticism seriously riding a bike requires.

Plus, there is a beauty to it. One of my favorite things in the world is what I like to call “the launch”. When we lived in Wisconsin, the living room was above the garage, and I could look out and watch Ron and his two sons head out for a bike ride. They’d be in all their gear….the colorful shirts and helmets, nice socks, beautiful bikes – and devices! – …and the three of them would silently glide out, so smooth, and head down the hill, fluid grace in motion.

I. LOVED. IT.

I will never, ever be that cool. Not on a bike, anyway. I might be cool other ways, but not that way.

Road biking makes me way too nervous, and my butt hurts, and my head gets hot. Basically, I don’t want it enough to overcome the uncomfortable-ness. The entire process makes me grumpy. And at times, I feel like I’m invading a world I know nothing about, and that makes me grumpier still.

However, take me out of the equation and I sure do like watching bikers! Afterwards, I like it when they get home. They are hot and sweaty, exhausted but exuberant. They throw themselves down to rest and you can see they are spent, but in a good way! You can’t help but smile with them.

Despite my envy and occasional grumpiness, I want that happiness for them. I enjoy it seeing it and hearing about it… even the enthusiasm about weird gadgets and tires and shoes. It makes life so much more interesting for them and me.

Although, I did come close to losing it when Ron complained it was hard to forcefully pedal downhill.

‘Cause I figure the universe wants you to lay off the gadgets and the measuring once in a while, and just enjoy the ride!

((Folks, upon reading this post, Ron immediately informed me a casual bike ride would light up two 60 watt bulbs for the duration of ride. There ya’ go.))